Experience:

Rode with Teddy Roosevelt up and down San Juan Hill
Taught Bill Gates "a thing or two" about technology early in life
Invented Coca-Cola, Pepsi, television and blinking
Created the Internet
"Kitchen Cabinet" Advisor to Alan Greenspan, OPEC, NATO, and the League of Nations

Communication Skills:

Ancay eakspay uentflay igpay atinlay
Can talk any microwave into heating food evenly
Ghost wrote The Great Gatsby, Of Mice and Men, and The Old Man and the Sea
Speechwriter for Winston Churchill

Other Skills:

Able to fashion office supplies from nothing but prehistoric tools
Able to fashion prehistoric tools from nothing but office supplies
Rainy days never get me down
Quick draw shootist
X-ray vision

Education:

Harvard Pre-School for "Special" Kids
Hugh Hefner's School for Boys
The School of Hard Knocks

References:

Ethel and Lorraine, my mom's friends
The Encyclopedia Britannica, 15th edition
Webster's Unabridged Dictionary of the English Language
Masons Manual of Legislative Procedure